


Attack of the Porgs

by Davechicken



Series: The Pilot and his Knight [102]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Threatened Porg violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 04:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13046685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Poe has weird ideas about... porgs.





	Attack of the Porgs

Kylo stares at it. 

“Why.” The word is a question, the intonation answers itself: _there is no godly reason for this_.  


“It’s cute.”  


“It’s shitting on you. Literally. Right now, excrement is flowing from its–”  


Poe curses, wipes one hand then the other on his already filthy flight-suit legs. It makes Kylo want to vomit. Only his power with the Force retains his earlier meal in the correct part of his digestive system.

“I’ll train it, then. For a litter box.”  


“You can’t train _stupid_.”  


“That’s what they said about _me_ ,” Poe counters, and holds the fluffy ball of too-big eyes closer.  


Kylo knows it’s an evolutionary advantage to see predators from further away, and to look endearing. However, the damn thing is so stupid that it can’t see the danger in front of it, and is cooing with musical excitement.

“I’m not hungry.”  


“You don’t _eat it_!”  


“Why not? Good source of protein.”  


“Kylo!”  


“Where do you think meat comes _from_ , Poe?”  


“NOT CUTE THINGS.”  


“Look,” he reasons, as much as he can with someone so utterly insane. “Just because it looks like your droid–”  


“It does not.”  


“It does, that’s why you’re overly attached to them.”  


“…well, BB-8 is kinda–”  


“We are not. Adopting. A. Porg.”  


“No, we’re not.” Except he has that shit-eating look in his eyes that says he’s _bending the rules_.  


“We’re not adopting _more than one porg,_ either.”  


“Mhhhmmm.”  


“POE.”  


“They’ll grow on you.” He pushes the fluff ball at Kylo, where it promptly sheds all over him.  


And coos.

At least it has no crap left in it. 

“I’m going to kill him. With you,” he tells the bird. “Maybe I’ll strap all of you to him and shout at you until you fly off with him.” Because - try as he might - he can’t _actually_ bring himself to any violent thoughts that are sincere.  


Damnit. They are _not_ adopting them. **No.**

“I called that one Porg Dameron,” his boyfriend calls from the next room. “We also got Jabber the Porg, and Fluffy-Wan, and Darth Porg, and–”  


“You are not allowed to name things.”  


“Then come up with better!”  


It barfs, next. Probably over-excited. Kylo makes a face and drops it.

Bail Porgana would have been so much better.


End file.
